It was April 10, 2018 and Colin Brougham hadn’t texted his wife as usual that he was riding his bike home. Instead, he lay dead a few blocks away after a local train hit him.
“I knew he was dead before I knew he was dead,” recalled Rachel Brougham, his widow. “My son and I went to the scene, and when I was told it was him, I screamed so loud I thought all of Minneapolis heard me.”
Mr Brougham was only 39 years old.
“My life as I knew it changed suddenly,” said Ms. Brougham, now 46. “My future as I imagined it was stolen. Grief changes your brain chemistry. It changes the way you think, the way you interact with others and the way you work. It literally changes everything in your life.”
Widowed people in their 20s and 30s, few of whom may have a will, can feel even more stunned and unprepared – who expects to die so young?
Like anyone whose spouse dies unexpectedly, Ms. Brougham suddenly found herself faced with a host of complex financial decisions: How to handle mortgage payments, car and student loans, leases and credit card debt. Blinded by grief, exhausted and overwhelmed, the survivors also have to plan and pay the costs of cremation or burial.
According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the one-time Social Security death benefit is just $255, while the average American funeral in 2021 cost $6,971 (with cremation) or $7,848 (with viewing and burial). There are also social security survivor benefits for children. Ms. Brougham’s 15-year-old son, Thomas, will receive $2,149 a month until he turns 18 or graduates high school, whichever is later.
“As a certified financial planner and someone who specializes in assisting young widows and widowers, I have seen firsthand the great heartache of this unique community,” said Brian K. Seymour II, the founder and managing director of Prosperitage Wealth in Atlanta. “Losing your partner at a young age, whether through illness or a sudden accident, plunges you into a storm of grief and financial upheaval.”
Even if it feels overwhelming, Mr. Seymour recommends taking control of your financial situation immediately.
“Gather all of your financial documents — bank statements, investment accounts, life insurance, wills — and get organized,” he said. “If you feel lost, seek professional help from a fee-based fiduciary financial advisor who specializes in young widows and widowers. We understand your unique challenges and can create a plan that takes into account your income, debts, benefits and goals.”
If you have more time to prepare – your spouse is dying of a terminal illness, for example – you have to make difficult decisions even in the midst of emotional stress.
Sarah Seib, 39, whose husband Jason Markle died in 2022 from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, commonly known as ALS or Lou Gehrig’s disease, had a steady job at a local technology company. Mr. Markle worked as an administrator at Syracuse University for many years, but the demands of his illness quickly made Ms. Seib his full-time caregiver, costing her that income even though she had $50,000 in student debt.
As her husband’s health deteriorated, he continued to work until the end as the couple desperately needed his income and health insurance. He communicated through a Tobii Dynavox tablet, which he used by blinking. A GoFundMe campaign provided $20,000 to cover the rising costs.
Mr. Markle had a 401(k) plan, but drawing on it early would have meant paying a penalty and taxes. On the day of his death, Ms. Seib lost access to his health insurance. Her mother, who moved in to help Ms. Seib financially and emotionally as her husband’s health deteriorated, still lives with her in Syracuse, N.Y., and now pays half of the mortgage.
“They need help from all sides,” Ms. Seib said. “A widow’s head is not right, nor will it be for a long time.”
Francisco Rosado, a hairdresser and DJ named Frank Rose in Orlando, Florida, lost his wife Rebekkah Rosado when he was 34 and she was 33. He had been her caregiver for three years as she battled a form of Hodgkin’s lymphoma, a form of blood cancer. Ms. Rosado had run a thriving wedding planning business and worked as much as she could, but the couple sold their home to save costs and pay medical bills. They also received $10,000 from a GoFundMe campaign that enabled Mr. Rosado to quit his job and spend time with his wife before she died.
For many people whose spouse is from another country, communicating with family abroad can lead to complications or welcome support – or both, as was the case with Robin Truiett-Theodorson, who died in 2008 after five and a half years at 36 She became a widow after marrying Mark Theodorson, a Brit.
Her father took over her late husband’s car payments and her family “helped me a lot,” she said. Her mother-in-law in Britain sent some money, and Ms. Truiett-Theodorson was grateful that her Baltimore home did not have a mortgage. She deferred her student debt for 18 months and consolidated her credit card debt.
Many young widows and widowers also have to contend with their spouse’s debts, which can be a huge burden if unpaid by creditors.
Jeanette Koncikowski was separated from her husband, Mark, when he died two years after graduating from chiropractic school. Both were 36 years old and had children aged 5 and 9. He died of a rare disease, sudden, unexplained death from epilepsy, and was about $150,000 in student loan debt.
“To finance this amount, we took out a mix of private and federal loans, and he was the sole cosigner, which was later consolidated,” said Ms. Koncikowski, now 45 and living in Eden, N.Y. “At the time of his death, the lender had originally told me that I would have to pay him back even though I had not co-signed. They said that since we were married when the debt arose, I was responsible for the debt.”
But after she provided the lender with her separation agreement and her husband’s death certificate, the entire debt was forgiven. “It was a small saving grace in an otherwise terrible experience,” Ms. Koncikowski said.
Daniel Kopp, a certified financial planner in Sarasota, Florida, who lost his spouse at age 31, said it’s important when the debt was assumed.
“If it happened before the marriage and the couple doesn’t live in a community property state – there are nine – then the surviving spouse generally wouldn’t be responsible for the student loans,” he said. “Community property states may hold the surviving spouse responsible for paying private loans taken out after the marriage, even if the spouse did not co-sign. It’s the classic financial planning answer: It depends.”
“Dying student loan borrowers will have their federal student loans paid off by providing documentation such as a death certificate,” Mr. Kopp added. “However, with private student loans, it depends on whether there was a co-signer and the terms of the loan. Some private lenders will also discharge the debt, but others may try to get the surviving spouse to pay.”
Personal, unsecured debts like credit cards are typically written off by the issuing companies, Kopp said.
“I even had a widowed customer who tried to pay back the balance of $5,000 and Chase returned the check to her,” he said. “Car loans usually stay with the vehicle. So if the spouse receives the vehicle by will, the loan goes to the spouse.”
Anyone who has received life insurance after the death of their spouse knows the mixed emotions that come with it.
“There was a great feeling of relief – and guilt,” Ms Brougham said. “I thought, ‘Oh my God, my husband is dead and now I have a million dollars.'” In fact, she received $1.575 million from term life insurance and life insurance, which she invested for future needs.
Mr. Rosado received an insurance payout of $250,000, and Mr. Kopp said he received about $300,000. This money helped them overcome financial panic at the worst moment of their young lives. Additionally, life insurance proceeds are not considered taxable income.
The Broughams had taken out life insurance when they were 24 and 25, and Ms. Brougham worked full-time freelance work for a small newspaper, although they felt the cost was prohibitive – $1,308 a year.
Being financially and emotionally prepared means having difficult conversations, even when you feel like you’re far too young to do so. The spouses of Ms. Brougham, Ms. Truiett-Theodorson, Ms. Seib and Ms. Koncikowski did not have a will and did not undertake advance estate planning. But Mr. Rosado did it.
“I didn’t think death would come in my 30s,” he said. “Maybe in my 70s or 90s.”
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2024-04-27 19:20:12
www.nytimes.com
